Friday, January 17, 2014

There was a tremendous amount of stress.

Disclosure:  This post is a part of the Blog Dare I am participating in for 2014. Come join us at BloggyMoms!

2012 was probably the worst year of my life.  On February 3rd of that year, my daddy went into the hospital for a heart catheterization procedure, ended up having open heart surgery, and never woke up again on Earth.  The sudden loss of my daddy threw me into a tailspin.  I was trying so hard to be strong for my mom and my daughter, and on the outside I was succeeding, inside I was screaming!  I was a Daddy's Girl and my daughter was a G-Dad's Girl.  I was lost and trying desperately to hold it together and comfort my grieving mother and daughter.  I realize now that I kinda lost myself for a while there.  There was a tremendous amount of stress.

My cousin RD, who was more like my brother, overtook the grandfather role for Kat, and we were spending even more time with him and his family than ever.  AND we were healing!  In May, we were devastated to learn that RD's cancer had returned .  We never imagined that we would lose him just day's before Father's Day. Just as we were starting to get back on track, life went off the rails again.

Father's Day was difficult for all of us and realizing how hard we were struggling, my father in law stepped up and took a more active role in our lives.  My father-in law(DAD) lived 3,000 miles away in Washington State, but he started calling every few days and just checking in.  We started discussing having him move here to NC to be close to us.  We figured it would be a win win situation.  He could spend more time with his granddaughter and we could watch over him.  Unfortunately, this plan never came to fruition.

On July 5th, my father-in-law passed away.  He had complained of a stomach bug for a few days prior to his death, and we began calling him several times a day to check in.  On the 4th, I called him and he sounded like he was disoriented.  He said he was still sick and promised that he would call his doctor or go to the ER the next day.  I called his house over and over the next morning and about 11am PST a strange voice answered.  It was a Renton policeman.  Dad was dead.

The stress of the year was overflowing.  We had lost 3 very important male members of our family in a matter of 5 months.  Kat was starting to show signs of the strain.  She was withdrawing, and was constantly worrying that something was going to happen to someone else she loved.  I was having a hard time dealing with it too.  As someone who was raised in church, I was taught that all things happen for a reason.  I was struggling to find that reason.

There was a tremendous amount of stress, and I felt like I was losing it.  One day I was sitting at home and I was listening to music.  One lyric caught my attention, " When there's no hope, thank God for grace."  I realized that there was nothing I could do to change anything.  All this time I had been trying to figure things out and handle the stress myself.  There was no hope left.  I gave all my stress over to God, and I thanked him for Grace!  I know it sounds like a lie, but almost immediately, I felt better.  Things would never be the same again, but with God's Grace, we are now flourishing!

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