Putting it on the Line

I am sure that my readers have wondered what is going on with my blog.  I know the posts have been sporadic and I apologize for that.  I simply have had a hard time getting myself going.  Nothing that I have previously enjoyed has been done.  I feel a little lost.

The past five years have been hard ones for me.  A lot of things have happened and I have been trying to just chug along and act like everything is wonderful, but inside I have been screaming.  Over the past five years, I have lost too many people who were important to me.  I have lost my Papa, Daddy, Dad (father-in-law), Cousin (like a big brother), Mother-in-law, and several high school friends.  With each loss, I felt as though a part of me had died.  As I struggled to keep it together and to be strong for everyone, I realized that I was losing interest in everything I cared about.  My remaining family members were becoming the only interest I had.  My world started to revolve only around them.

Chefy pointed this out to me when I stopped scrapbooking and painting.  At the same time, just cleaning my house had become a chore that I drug myself through.  All I could manage to do was to just stare blankly at the TV and scan the internet mindlessly.  If I sat down for any period of time, I would fall asleep, and no matter how hard I tried, sleeping at night, in bed, was an impossibility.  I would go 2-3 days without sleeping at all, then I would finally fall out from exhaustion and sleep for about 24 straight hours.  I was falling apart.  So much was running through my mind.  Kat was graduating from high school and would soon be heading off to the Navy.  Who would I be if I wasn't her stay at home mom?

Recently, everything came to a head and realized that no matter what, I needed to find ME!  I bought a membership to our local gym and have been going with Kat to work out about 3-4 days each week.  I started making sure I took my medication on time everyday and I started caring a little more about myself.  Chefy and I have been doing more things together, just the two of us.  I started trying new things, and now, I am getting myself back together!

My doctor has scheduled a sleep study for me in September, because she suspects I have sleep apnea. I am working on getting my sleep schedule back in gear, and by getting more exercise, I feel better, about myself and my life.  My interest in my blogging is returning and I have a LOT of posts to do to catch up.  I CAN and WILL get caught up and get back to normal.

Yes, I suffer from depression, and I never really understood what that meant.  I am now on medication and when I combine that with the daily exercise and prayer, I will get myself together!  I am important, and my life does matter!

Again, I apologize to my readers and to the companies I owe reviews.  The reviews are coming.  I am not completely back to normal, but I am closer than I have been in years!  Bear with me!  The best is yet to come!

God Bless Y'all!
~~Shelly~~